


Of Elements and Existence

by lost_spook



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett, Sapphire and Steel
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-05
Updated: 2012-12-05
Packaged: 2017-11-20 09:57:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/584115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lost_spook/pseuds/lost_spook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are some places even Elements should never go. The Discworld is unquestionably one of them...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Elements and Existence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sophia_Prester](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sophia_Prester/gifts).
  * Translation into Русский available: [Об Элементах и всем сущем](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5080651) by [Kollega](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kollega/pseuds/Kollega)



> With many thanks to the lovely Persiflage for the beta. Any remaining mistakes are undeniably mine.

_Sapphire?_

There was no answer and Steel frowned at his surroundings. They did not make sense. He was unsure how he had got here and Sapphire was no longer with him. Instead there was nothing but egg-timers. Rows and rows of egg-timers. 

_Where am I?_

SOMEWHERE YOU SHOULD NOT BE.

Yes, thought Steel, with a slight twist to his mouth. That sort of thing seemed to happen too often.

There was a long pause before the speaker stepped into his view. He had somehow expected something not human, but not this – a skeleton in a black robe walking towards him. It was something he felt he ought to recognise, he thought, but he couldn’t place it. Sapphire would have known. Where was she?

The skeleton seemed to be examining him in return. When it spoke again, its voice held a puzzled note. WHAT ARE YOU?

 _Steel_. There seemed to be no need to speak aloud.

STEEL? NOT AN AUDITOR. YOU SEEMED AS IF YOU MIGHT BE. 

Steel considered that. It was not an entirely incorrect description. _Something like that, I suppose._

NO, it said and a blue light flared in its eye-sockets. STEEL. 

“Yes.”

YES.

Steel hesitated, but this creature seemed to be his only option for getting answers. “I was with two colleagues. A woman.” It was such an inadequate way of describing Sapphire that he hesitated over it, but he had no words for what she was to him, or not words that he could give to an unknown and possibly dangerous being. And then, more reluctantly, he added: “And - a man.” He didn’t have words for Silver, either, although for different reasons.

WE ARE THE ONLY ONES HERE.

Steel clenched his fists and glanced upwards again at the egg-timers.

I AM SORRY?

*

Sapphire was currently sitting, rather like a queen on a throne, in the main hall of the Unseen University while the wizards tried to work out why and how she had come to be there. One of them had assured her that they would have her back where she belonged in no time, but she knew he’d mentally added riders to that (such as _if these buggers can be made to do any work this millennium_ and _if that damn thingumybob isn’t playing up yet again_ ).

 _Steel?_ She tried for what must be the twentieth time. There was no answer. She couldn’t reach him, couldn’t sense where he was, and that alarmed her far more than anything else. Otherwise she would have found her surroundings both curious and amusing. She could _almost_ reach Silver when she tried, but there was still something that came between them.

“Young Stibbons here,” said Ridcully, the one who seemed to be in charge (if anyone was in charge of this argumentative group of humans), “seems to think that infernal wotsit of his –”

“Hex,” put in Ponder Stibbons reproachfully, but without much hope of being listened to.

“- Might have some answers.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” said Sapphire. She smiled, and an older wizard fainted somewhere out of her line of vision.

*

Silver was familiar with humans playing with the occult. It had often been a cause or symptom of an assignment – or even part of a reaction to him or his colleagues. He had seen pentagrams and chalk circles. He had never before, however, encountered anyone who, on meeting him, had hastily drawn an uneven rectangle in cheap candle wax. And, which was even more improbable, an outline in mere grease that seemed to be _keeping_ him there.

He and the human had currently reached an impasse, though he had tried being as nice as he could. All he’d got so far was a grudging admission that he had pretty manners and no visible tentacles.

“I’m not a – a demon,” he said, trying again, offended that anyone should think such a thing.

The woman sat down in a wooden chair and gave him a look that could probably melt things. “Oh, I know that. Tricky buggers, but you can at least have a cup of tea and pass the time of day with ‘em. You – I don’t know _what_ might be when you’re at home. You’re a thing from Outside and I don’t hold with –”

“Mrs Ogg, did you say?”

“If you’re going to be flattening me with compliments again, it won’t work. Not that I minds, as such, but I can’t be havin’ with those sorts of goings on –”

Silver raised an eyebrow.

“Well, I holds with _goings-on_ ,” she amended. “And anything else to hand, hah, but not with grey things from the dungeon dimensions what might turn out to have fifty tentacles and lots of teeth, or no shape at all.”

Silver glanced down at himself to check (one could never be entirely sure) but he still had no tentacles of any description. “I can assure you that –”

“Anyway, if I wants an undersized pararamour, I already got one. And I bet you ain’t half as handy with a ladder.”

Silver found himself at a loss yet again. It was thoroughly disconcerting. “A ladder?”

“Mind,” said Mrs Ogg, giving him a speculative eye, which he found even more disconcerting, “you know what they say about things with tentacles…”

*

YOU SHOULD NOT BE HERE.

 _So you said_. Steel turned again and looked around him. It still didn’t provide any answers, only more questions. _Not very helpful, are you?_

NO, said the Skeleton. YOU SHOULD NOT _BE_ HERE. YOU WILL CAUSE UNBALANCE.

Steel paused. “How?”

YOU WILL. 

“But why? How? It’s important.”

THERE IS NOT ENOUGH BELIEF TO GO ROUND.

Steel clenched his fists. That was… _no_. He glared at the skeleton. That was unnerving. “I’m not… what you think I am.”

AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATION OF AN IDEA SHAPED AS SUCH FOR THE BENEFIT OF HUMANS?

“No,” said Steel, and found he intensely disliked the way the other’s words went through his being. They had weight and seemed intent on settling down inside him.

NO?

“Perhaps in a sense,” Steel said, with a small, angry shrug. “A very limited sense.”

SO YOU SHOULD NOT BE HERE. UNLESS…

_Unless?_

HOW ARE YOU AT RIDING A HORSE?

*

The Lecturer in Recent Runes had been attempting to bring Sapphire flowers. It was proving more difficult than anticipated by the lack of such things on university grounds. He wasn’t sure whether that was usual or the result of that incident last week with the Chair of Indefinite Studies, the talking rock and the escaped chicken. However, he’d done his best with a nice bunch of leeks, the green leafy bits off the potatoes, some cauliflower, and one very odd purple bloom he’d found poking its way up through the courtyard.

Sapphire took them from him with solemnity. “More useful than flowers, I suppose,” she said, examining them carefully, her amusement very nearly undetectable.

*

The woman seemed to have fetched reinforcements – something Silver felt was completely unnecessary.

“And what are you?” the new arrival demanded – a thinner, older woman who, as he rapidly detected, had a mind with a strength and hardness he was startled to find in a human. And he was fairly certain she _was_ human.

He tried a smile. “Silver.”

“That ain’t a _name_.”

He drew himself up. “But it is an answer… Mistress Weatherwax.”

“Hmph,” she said, and glared at him again, but she seemed to accept that.

Silver picked up the so-called silver piece Mrs Ogg had dropped earlier – there had been talk of putting it in his mouth at some point. (Well, either that or a lemon, or possibly salt; he hadn’t quite followed that conversation.) He threw it across to the other woman.

And then, before it landed, much to everyone’s surprise, not one coin fell, but thousands, swamping the cottage.

“Oh! Well, _that_ never happened before,” said Silver’s muffled voice from somewhere underneath a fortune in loose change.

*

“If you don’t want me here,” said Steel, “you should help me leave. How do I do that?”

NO.

“No?”

THERE IS NO NEED. IT IS BEING DEALT WITH.

Steel didn’t find that in any way as reassuring as the skeleton seemed to.

*

The wizards seemed to be making some progress, surprisingly – or at least, when Ridcully suggested she try reaching her colleagues again, Sapphire had more luck. Silver was there, and Steel, too – only the most fleeting contact, but he was there. She raised her head, a smile growing on her face.

“I can find them,” she said, and then she tried again. More than that, she thought. She could do more than she was used to. “I can bring them here. Together we can leave.”

Ridcully nodded. “Good. We don’t want you stuck here for good, now, do we?”

“That isn’t very friendly, Mustrum.”

He gave her a suddenly sharp look. “Even aside from the distracting effect you seem to be having on the others, I’m not sure who – what – you are –”

Sapphire caught his unspoken thoughts and blinked at what they were. “I’m not a goddess.”

“No,” said the wizard. “Not that simple, though. Near enough, and give it time – At least, if you believe Stibbons here –”

“I don’t think I understand,” said Sapphire, surprising herself with the admission. 

She closed her eyes and made an effort to follow his thoughts until she did. This place – this universe? – was more mutable than the one she was used to. And she already knew how ideas, belief, or memory could affect that one. “I see. But that won’t happen, I promise.”

She could bring the other two back, Sapphire realised – and she should do it now.

*

Silver emerged from underneath the heap of coins and shook himself free.

“I know it’s prob’ly tempting us with worldly goods, but it’s in my kitchen, so it must be mine,” Mrs Ogg was saying. “Finders keepers and I can hardly miss this lot. Practically fallin’ over it, you might say –”

Silver made an apologetic face at the pair of them. “I – I think I understand now. “Wherever we are, this place operates by different rules to the ones I’m used to and I –”

“You’re a natural at magic,” said the older woman, but it was more of a grudging accusation than a compliment. Despite the covering layer of coins, she scuffed out part of the candle wax rectangle with her boot, and freed him. “A liability, that’s what you are. Can’t have you wanderin’ round rainin’ money down on people.”

Silver laughed, pleased at that idea, despite the highly disconcerting way the very laws of physics seemed to have changed. “A magician? Oh, yes, I believe I see. And don’t worry, I’m also very adaptable – a _very_ quick learner. That won’t happen again, I assure you.”

“’Course, you’ve prob’ly already got ideas about what I should use it for, knowing you, Esme –”

“It might not be real,” said the youngest woman, who hadn’t spoken until now. She’d been watching, though.

“No, he’s never one of them leprechauns –”

“This ain’t fairy coin,” said the oldest one. “It’s real. Put that saucepan down, Gytha. Mr Silver here’s going to leave right now – and he’s takin’ all this with him. _Ain’t_ you, Mr Silver?”

“It’s only reduplicated,” said Silver. “It is real, and it isn’t stolen –” He caught her glare. It was even worse than Steel’s. “And yes, I shall remove it instantly –”

“Oh, well, s’pose it would have been a bit of a weight in the knicker department,” said Mrs Ogg, with a sigh.

*

Sapphire stared ahead as the two of them appeared on either side of her in a sudden cloud of bright blue smoke and glitter.

_Steel._

He turned as she slipped her hand into his. “Sapphire.”

“Blue smoke, Sapphire?” said Silver, touching the remaining wisps of it with interest. “Unnecessarily showy, I’d have thought.”

She was hiding a smile. “It seemed to happen that way.”

_We need to leave._

_Yes_. Sapphire looked at Steel. _I know._

_Now, Sapphire._

“We do, yes,” agreed Silver and then glanced about him and moved over to Hex, instantly distracted by the sight. “Oh, how fascinating.”

Ponder was instantly at his side, defensive and wary. “Yes, but, excuse me – I – should you be doing that?”

“Hmm?” said Silver, looking up at him as he finished guiding a stray ant in the right direction. “You seemed to have a loose connection.”

Ponder stared at him. “You – you _understand_ Hex?”

“Well,” Silver said and gave a small smile, “I’m familiar with the concept. The translation, however, is something else again. I must say –”

 _Silver._ Steel’s voice in his mind broke into the conversation. _I said, we need to go._

“Oh. Oh, yes.”

Steel looked back at Sapphire. “It shouldn’t exist. This place. Maybe that’s why we’re here –”

Sapphire shook her head. “No.” She could see… Oh, here she could stretch out and cover this world; she could sense everything. The Disc quivered under her touch and her eyes glowed blue as she registered the contact. Somewhere beyond she caught a glimpse of a being too large for even her comprehension and this time she trembled inwardly. “It needs to exist. A pocket universe where everything that can’t exist elsewhere does.”

“A sort of… safety valve for the universe?” Steel sounded as if he distrusted his own words.

She smiled and gripped his hand even tighter. “Yes.”

“I think I shall be sorry to go,” said Silver, and produced a small bunch of silver and gold flowers. “It seems I can do – well – almost anything here.”

Sapphire took the artificial, delicate creation, touching its hard leaves and petals with the tips of her fingers, and laughed. “I don’t think that would be very good for you, Silver.” Or for her, she thought, but kept that addition private.

Silver laughed in return and then leaned towards Steel, catching hold of his sleeve. “Steel, we can do this, but – well –”

“What?” said Steel with a glare that probably had something to do with the metallic flowers. “You think I’ll hold you back?”

Silver raised his eyebrows in surprise. “No. Only that, given the way this place is affecting us, Sapphire and I should be able to take us back. Once we’re in our universe, there’ll be some momentum, probably enough to get us to where we need to be, but –”

“You don’t change,” said Sapphire. She held his hand again. “You’re the anchor.”

“Or pilot, perhaps, in this case,” added Silver with a smile. “Leading us into harbour.”

Steel gave him a glance, searching for mockery, but found none.

“Remember where we’re supposed to be,” Sapphire said. 

Steel nodded. “Yes. Then hurry up.”

They joined hands and Sapphire, as they left, silently kissed the Disc and the Great A’Tuin farewell.

***

**Coda**

 

“Good,” said Ridcully. “I was beginning to think we’d never get rid of them. Where were we, Stibbons?”

Ponder sighed. “Still looking for the chicken, Archchancellor.”

“Chicken?”

“The one that got away. You know, with the Chair of Indefinite Studies and the –” Ponder waved his hands in the air.

“Oh, that. Yes, can’t have _that_ one running about, I agree.”

“Not after what it did to the Bursar, sir.”

“Right,” said Ridcully, cheering up. “We’ve just solved an inter-dimensional thingumy of catastrophic proportions. A chicken’s not going to be much of a problem, eh?”

That wasn’t, thought Ponder gloomily, what everyone had said last week.

*

“Well, will you look at that,” said Nanny Ogg finally, “he left before he could take all that nasty money away, what a shame, s’pose someone’ll have to put it somewhere safe –”

Granny Weatherwax glared.

*

Death didn’t sigh, because beings that were all bones and no breath didn’t, but he noted in passing that it had been nice to have someone new to talk to. 

I NEVER EVEN INTRODUCED MYSELF, he added to the empty room. Which was odd, because that usually went without saying.


End file.
